Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
