i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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