omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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