I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
