you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
