I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
