I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
