If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
