I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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