I love black thongs
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
