walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
