The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had to cum in my sink.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
