There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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