Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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