return my video game
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
