Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
