If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
