They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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