dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
