just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
