There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
