so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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