I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have feelings that need drinking.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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