I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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