No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
