My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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