So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
