I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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