Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
