I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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