Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
