Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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