Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
