ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
