my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
