wakey wakey hands off snakey
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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