I must be too annoying 4 u.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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