3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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