kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i think i just lost a toe
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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