oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
