This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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