It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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