naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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