Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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