im holly from the hills drunk
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
