Screwed.edu
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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