So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
