Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
