when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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