ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Even my vagina gasped.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
